Thank you…

There have been a few times now that a dear friend of mine has confided in me the feeling of “not serving a purpose in others lives”. She has stated that at times ‘it all feels pointless’. I have tried my best to reassure her that you have impacted more lives then will ever be shown to you in this life. That I in fact am one of those lives that you have greatly touched and will be forever grateful for your presence in my life.

So now I want to take sometime and send a shout out to a few of those people over the years who have impacted my life and helped make a difference in who I am and still becoming.

I believe it is important to have a heart of gratitude. I want to say thank you, and perhaps I have never said it before but now in my wise old age I recognize the importance.

I will start at my oldest memory:

Ms.Mooster: My fourth grade teacher. To be honest I am not sure why I always have such fond memories of her, but i am sure it has to do with the fact that she never questioned my illnesses that allowed me a break in the nurses office. Or perhaps that she taught me the words to Cats in the Cradle. So thank you, Ms.Mooster

Emily (Call) Mapes: My older sisters cool friend and SMASH(Grace Church thing) group leader in middle school or High school (I don’t have the best memory). I can remember sitting in our small circle of adolescent girls as Emily would ask us one by one how our lives were going. Most if not all of us would answer with ‘fine’ but that was never  enough. Emily wanted more, so she would say ‘so you’re telling me your life is perfect… huh.’ Even if i didn’t want to answer I knew she would listen and care when I did. She was fun and strong and giving. Even into my college years she was there as a mentor and confidante  I could and did tell her anything. So thank you Emily! 

Laurie (Paulson) LaBlanc: Another instrumental youth group leader. Often times she felt like a sister, or even a friend. I look back now and think, wow these leaders really had patience and grace. We often persuaded (forced) them into spending endless amounts of time with us and selfishly thought we were the center of their world. So thanks for that alone, but you were also such a caring woman. You truly showed me love and friendship. I always felt connected to you in a way that I’ve never quite understood. Thank you for spending time listening, laughing and encouraging me. I am forever grateful.

Lauri & I

Mr.Dunavan: Another teacher to add to the list. (A general shout out to all the teachers in my life, I can’t imagine the hard work and dedication it must take to teach teenagers… YIKES.) Thank you for being a great male role model in my life. Thank you for challenging me to dream for something more than the everyday world around me. Thank you for inspiring me to try and make a difference in my own community. Thank you for listening to all of my trivial problem that seemed monumental at the moment. Concordia was a much better place having you as a teacher and leader. THANK YOU!

Jake Ladd: I can hardly believe we have known each other for 11 years. Meeting you our freshman year of college set the path we have been on since. You have been at my side for so many transformational moments. As I look back over the years I am amazed and the people we were and have become. We have had tough moments and joy filled moments. I am so thankful that you have stuck with me, even when I am so unworthy. You show me love in the little things. Thank you for encouraging me to be the unique person that I am. Thank you for taking leaps of faith along side me. Thank you for holding my hand, allowing me to cry and assuring me that I am not alone in this journey of life.  I. Love. You. 

Belva Matthews: I will always remember our first conversation, we had just arrived in South Dakota for Greaterworks ( a year long internship, that desired for us to find a community mentor) and happened to attend Gospel Fellowship. I was assisting you in the kitchen washing coffee mugs and I just felt that I needed to ask you to be my mentor. I remember feeling awkward and a bit out of place, but you calmed my spirit and were willing to walk alongside me in that journey. I would have never guessed that the decision to ask that of you would change my life. You taught me what an authentic lover of Jesus looked/looks like. I had never met anyone so brokenly devoted to Jesus as you. I and those around you desired to be in your presence because you radiated the love of God, the service of Jesus and the truth of humanity. You may not see these qualities in yourself and I find that beautiful because it continues to push you to “Trust God from the bottom of your heart; don’t try to figure out everything on your own.  Listen for God’s voice in everything you do, everywhere you go;  he’s the one who will keep you on track. Don’t assume that you know it all.  Run to God!” Thank you for showing me love, compassion, wisdom and faithfulness. I pray that you will forever be a part of my life, but regardless of where our lives take us you will always be a part of my heart.

Thank you to everyone who has been a part of my life. As you can see I didn’t put everyone on here or else this would have been a never ending post.

“To be grateful is to recognize the Love of God in everything He has given us – and He has given us everything. Every breath we draw is a gift of His love, every moment of existence is a grace, for it brings with it immense graces from Him.
Gratitude therefore takes nothing for granted, is never unresponsive, is constantly awakening to new wonder and to praise of the goodness of God. For the grateful person knows that God is good, not by hearsay but by experience. And that is what makes all the difference.”
― Thomas Merton

Once was blind…

 

Do you ever feel that you are on the cusp of greatness or revelation? Perhaps you feel something nagging at your soul and at any moment it will be revealed and you will find yourself having an a-ha moment. This is a feeling I find myself within more than any other.

It seems that my vision is blurry, being held back by something. I put my glasses on, but no relief. I close my eyes and for a moment I find relief, but then again without fail the blurriness is felt in the darkness. It has begun to consume my thoughts and body.

There must be healing!

Then the revelation occurs. My vision has been stunted by lies. Lies of how the world should be, is and was. I have believed the lies of greed, selfishness, coveting, and ignorance. I have chosen to look beyond the blurriness and see the truth. My eyes have been blinded by choosing to not see clearly. The blurriness didn’t happen over night. It was a slow progression, so slow that I didn’t even realize things were blurry. Until a few moments of clarity came into sight.

Heartache

War

Starvation

Greed

The orphaned

The widowed

The lonely

Bitterness

Superiority

For once I was blind and now I see.

The truth is as I sit in a coffee shop, typing on my laptop, drinking a 2$ cup of coffee I know that there is MORE. The question is; what do I do now that I know there is more to life then this. I have begun to clear my vision, to become aware of reality around me and now there is room for greatness, room for God to transform my heart and continue to clear my vision.

I must choose to see things as they really are. To see things as God sees them, and then… Act!

^22-23 “Your eyes are windows into your body. If you open your eyes wide in wonder and belief, your body fills up with light. If you live squinty-eyed in greed and distrust, your body is a dank cellar. If you pull the blinds on your windows, what a dark life you will have!” Matthew 6:22-23

“you have me…”

I know I spend a lot of time complaining about all things cold when it comes to the weather, but I must give God credit for this beautiful day. As I sit and type I am curled up on our couch looking out the front window enjoying a warm cup of coffee and the sent of  lit candles. These are the moments when my emotions tend to take over and I am filled with the goodness of our God. Its rare in the Ladd household to have a quiet moment and I have learned to take advantage of each and every one. Within this moment I have much on my mind. Most of my days are spent playing with my babies, cleaning up after my babies, cooking, eating, cleaning, dreaming of sleep, procrastinating on my homework, going to work, trying to run, and figuring out a time when Jake and I can connect, oh and connecting with my God. I treasure mornings like this, when the little daily occurrences remind me of my creator and his faithfulness.

Psalm 57:9-10
I’m thanking you, GOD, out loud in the streets, singing your praises in town and country. The deeper your love, the higher it goes; every cloud is a flag to your faithfulness.

I want to spend a moment writing about my faith… This is a complicated subject that has evolved in many ways over the years. I believe that my creator the one who formed me in my mothers womb is also my savior. God, my father, my constant, my deliver, my encourager, and all things worth more then mere words could describe. I struggle in many moments, questioning God…

My God my God where are you?

I wish I could write an answer to that question. When children are abused, when people die of hunger, when the earth shakes and destroys lives in an instant, when waters rise and wash away families, when accidents turn tragic…

My God my God where are you?

The only way I can answer this is by believing that my God does and did not entend for our earth to be filled with such trouble. That God has entrusted us to take care of each other, love one another, and protect regardless of our differences. My God is full of mercy and heartache. When we ache so does our God. When we have joy, so does our God. Yet when we turn away and become distant and resentful our God does NOT. God is faithful.

Thank you God!

Psalm 46:10

He plants flowers and trees all over the earth, Bans wars from pole to pole, breaks all the weapons across his knee, “step out from the traffic? Take a long, loving look at me, your High God, above politics, above everything.”

Take a moment to listen to this beautiful song…

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=peP1UbiVVbI

The Ladd addition…

 

As you may or may not know, Jake and I decided to have two girls from Pine Ridge SD come live with us. We met these girls about 3 1/2 years ago while working for Greaterworks! We became good friends and even family with them and their family. When we heard that they were having some issues, we were more then excited for them to have the opportunity to come and stay with us and attend school in MN.

All of this happened pretty fast, and once we made the decision it was off to SD to pick them up. Thankfully Jakes mom was able to watch Nash and Evie, otherwise one of the girls would have had to ride in the trunk for the 10 hour trip. So Jake and I had three days alone, and a 10 hour car ride to spend together. It’s amazing how fast you can travel when you are childless. No bottle and burp breaks, every hour potty breaks, constant crying, or moments of turning the radio up to drown out the screaming in the backseat.

We even had the opportunity to make a few scenic stops on the way.

WAYSIDE CHAPEL: On the way to Pine Ridge.

After wanting to leave at 4 am on Monday, we finally got on the road at 6 am. Oh and of course we had to stop for donuts and coffee. Thanks to Emma Krumbee’s for the great pastries! The drive went well and we made it to Pine Ridge even before Higher Ground Coffee Shop closed. So Jake and I were able to enjoy a wonderful latte and iced mocha. YUM.

Much of our short trip was spent reconnecting and laughing with dear friends. Surprising the legal part of gaining guardianship was pretty easy. Just one signed paper and bingo!

On tuesday night Jake, Leon and I decided to head out and take some photos. Here is a sampling of them…

 

 

Jake reading on the court

I have always had such a draw to Pine Ridge and maybe it’s just because of the great family I have made there, but I also know that there is such beauty to be seen. I love to capture even a bit of it with my camera so I can be reminded of my second home.

Wednesday morning we took off pretty early. After saying our goodbyes and enjoying one last coffee, Jake, Kasey, Kylah and I hit the road. I am constantly amazed at the strength of these two beautiful girls. They left family, friends and there home to come and start a new adventure with us in Minnesota. I pray that they will be strengthened and showered with the love of God while they are here. It will not be easy, but they are supported by great family and friends back home, and by friends here they have yet to meet.

Kylah and Kasey early in the morning saying their “see you soons”

Kylah and Kasey with Mar (their mom)

Belle and I
(This is who Eviebelle is named in honor of)

enjoying the early morning

Buddy

We finally made it to the border and we just so happy about it.

And now it has been over a week from when Kasey and Kylah arrived. Let me say it’s been very enjoyable living with teenagers. I forgot how late they stay up and sleep in. Oh to be a teen again. I am so excited to see how this year goes. So if you get a chance help welcome these great girls to a great state.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

determination…

I love when Jake becomes interested in things that produce Joy in him. (Well lets be honest, its also frustrating when those things take him away from home… (Disc Golf.)) But I know he finds joy in spending time with his guy friends, talking about who knows what and winning almost every time (I said almost, don’t want to start any feuds) I know that I am a selfish human and as much as I know that Jake needs this time, it’s a battle within me to let him go with joy in my spirit. Maybe its because I am home ALL day everyday without a car and… (OK need to stop complaining) 

Jake is EXTREMELY talented, he has the personality that is willing to take the time to learn an art and practice it even when he is unsure of what the outcome may be. I only wish I had that discipline.

“They have many gifts which they will use to fulfill themselves and those near them, if they are able to remain centered and master the ability of following through.” 

An excerpt from the personality test results i took. 

Right now he is working on advancing his technique in videography and editing. I must say that he is really good. I love seeing him find joy and excitement in this study. I hope that he continues to put his heart into this gift. 

Jake set up a mini studio with homemade lighting.

Personality tests:

I Can’t help but to take personality tests whenever I find them. I know that it’s almost impossible for me to not second guess my answers, but I try to be honest. So when I take these tests I always review the answers with a grain of salt, cause we all know we want to be seen in a specific way. Here are the results of the Myers/Briggs test.

Feel free to read it, or not, or take your own…

TEST

Love to hear the outcome!

The Inspirer

As an ENFP, your primary mode of living is focused externally, where you take things in primarily via your intuition. Your secondary mode is internal, where you deal with things according to how you feel about them, or how they fit in with your personal value system.

ENFPs are warm, enthusiastic people, typically very bright and full of potential. They live in the world of possibilities, and can become very passionate and excited about things. Their enthusiasm lends them the ability to inspire and motivate others, more so than we see in other types. They can talk their way in or out of anything. They love life, seeing it as a special gift, and strive to make the most out of it.

ENFPs have an unusually broad range of skills and talents. They are good at most things which interest them. Project-oriented, they may go through several different careers during their lifetime. To onlookers, the ENFP may seem directionless and without purpose, but ENFPs are actually quite consistent, in that they have a strong sense of values which they live with throughout their lives. Everything that they do must be in line with their values. An ENFP needs to feel that they are living their lives as their true Self, walking in step with what they believe is right. They see meaning in everything, and are on a continuous quest to adapt their lives and values to achieve inner peace. They’re constantly aware and somewhat fearful of losing touch with themselves. Since emotional excitement is usually an important part of the ENFP’s life, and because they are focused on keeping “centered”, the ENFP is usually an intense individual, with highly evolved values.

An ENFP needs to focus on following through with their projects. This can be a problem area for some of these individuals. Unlike other Extraverted types, ENFPs need time alone to center themselves, and make sure they are moving in a direction which is in sync with their values. ENFPs who remain centered will usually be quite successful at their endeavors. Others may fall into the habit of dropping a project when they become excited about a new possibility, and thus they never achieve the great accomplishments which they are capable of achieving.

Most ENFPs have great people skills. They are genuinely warm and interested in people, and place great importance on their inter-personal relationships. ENFPs almost always have a strong need to be liked. Sometimes, especially at a younger age, an ENFP will tend to be “gushy” and insincere, and generally “overdo” in an effort to win acceptance. However, once an ENFP has learned to balance their need to be true to themselves with their need for acceptance, they excel at bringing out the best in others, and are typically well-liked. They have an exceptional ability to intuitively understand a person after a very short period of time, and use their intuition and flexibility to relate to others on their own level.

Because ENFPs live in the world of exciting possibilities, the details of everyday life are seen as trivial drudgery. They place no importance on detailed, maintenance-type tasks, and will frequently remain oblivous to these types of concerns. When they do have to perform these tasks, they do not enjoy themselves. This is a challenging area of life for most ENFPs, and can be frustrating for ENFP’s family members.

An ENFP who has “gone wrong” may be quite manipulative – and very good it. The gift of gab which they are blessed with makes it naturally easy for them to get what they want. Most ENFPs will not abuse their abilities, because that would not jive with their value systems.

ENFPs sometimes make serious errors in judgment. They have an amazing ability to intuitively perceive the truth about a person or situation, but when they apply judgment to their perception, they may jump to the wrong conclusions.

ENFPs who have not learned to follow through may have a difficult time remaining happy in marital relationships. Always seeing the possibilities of what could be, they may become bored with what actually is. The strong sense of values will keep many ENFPs dedicated to their relationships. However, ENFPs like a little excitement in their lives, and are best matched with individuals who are comfortable with change and new experiences.

Having an ENFP parent can be a fun-filled experience, but may be stressful at times for children with strong Sensing or Judging tendancies. Such children may see the ENFP parent as inconsistent and difficult to understand, as the children are pulled along in the whirlwind life of the ENFP. Sometimes the ENFP will want to be their child’s best friend, and at other times they will play the parental authoritarian. But ENFPs are always consistent in their value systems, which they will impress on their children above all else, along with a basic joy of living.

ENFPs are basically happy people. They may become unhappy when they are confined to strict schedules or mundane tasks. Consequently, ENFPs work best in situations where they have a lot of flexibility, and where they can work with people and ideas. Many go into business for themselves. They have the ability to be quite productive with little supervision, as long as they are excited about what they’re doing.

Because they are so alert and sensitive, constantly scanning their environments, ENFPs often suffer from muscle tension. They have a strong need to be independent, and resist being controlled or labelled. They need to maintain control over themselves, but they do not believe in controlling others. Their dislike of dependence and suppression extends to others as well as to themselves.

ENFPs are charming, ingenuous, risk-taking, sensitive, people-oriented individuals with capabilities ranging across a broad spectrum. They have many gifts which they will use to fulfill themselves and those near them, if they are able to remain centered and master the ability of following through.

Sometimes I HATE computers….

So I wrote my last blog, put in a lot of nice photos with captions then went to publish it and BAM it was a mess… so now I give up and what you see is what you get… BLAH

Family

I can hardly believe that summer is halfway through. I wanted to say halfway over, but I can hear Jake in my head saying ‘you are such a glass half full person.’ So I went with the more positive outlook.

We have been have an amazing summer. I finished my summer classes with a 4.0 only to realize the classes I took will not help me get into the nursing program. Lesson learned. I will be taking more classes this fall and anxious to see how it all pans out.

Here is a little taste of our summer so far:

Emery and Evie being photogenic

Nash and our neighbor Rosie, best friends in the making.

So here are a few photos of the summer. Most of our days are spent outside, watching movies or learning when to say “NO”. Nash seems to have gotten that word down pretty well.

We are looking forward to our annual ‘Asprey cabin getaway’ in two weeks. We are also excited to celebrate my moms 60th birthday!!

Stay tuned for more updates and photos.

Beauty in the dirt…

I recently was given the opportunity to spend two weeks with my family on the Pine Ridge Indian Reservation. First let me share my love for my family and friends who reside there:

The Matthews family, you all have truly been God sent. I find it hard at times to say what is and what isn’t in Gods plan, but meeting you all had to be in the plan. I have never been so connected with a family other than my own. I am honored to be an adopted member of the Matthews. You each have truly unique qualities that I believe the world would benefit from knowing each of you. So if you happen to be driving through Pine Ridge, look for the Higher Ground Coffee shop on Hwy 18. Tell them I sent you and enjoy a mouth-watering homemade muffin.

……..

 

I spent a good portion of my day today in the dirt. I am a sucker for Spring time and well Summer as well, ok let’s be honest any season that DOESN”T include snow. I along with my mother worked on some landscaping projects in my yard. It felt so amazing to dig my hands into the soil and in the least new-agey way I can say it, become one with the earth. Every spring I am reminded of the ever-present gift of Renewal that God grants us. I may have died to my flesh, but there is always a chance to be renewed. My faith may have been dorment, but by the Grace of God I once again will blossom.

There is nothing that will separate me from the Love of God.

” high or low, thinkable or unthinkable – absolutely nothing can get between us and God’s love because of the way that Jesus our Master has embraced us.”-Romans 8:39

I am not afraid to get dirty, because I know there is beauty in the dirt.